The topic of lifelong conversion was broached yesterday with an attitude of flippancy. Just do it. Be converted. Read the scriptures and pray and you will have no issues. (Okay, am I the only one noticing we say virtually the same thing every week as part of every lesson). I have issues.
Does conversion mean just believing in basic principles or everything? Can I have a lifelong conversion even though I had a boyfriend when I was 15 and still today at 24 don't see anything wrong with that? Because that sort of makes me a "buffet Mormon." I chose not believe some teachings in For the Strength of Youth.
We are supposed to be "converted unto the Lord". The church website describes it as a process to becoming a better person. A change of heart. What about when you were raised to be this way? When did this process start and what am I changing from? And really, does drinking beer or coffee constitute you as a bad person? Most people are inherently good and will make good decisions provided they don't have a serious conflict with the decision and their own best interests. So, how does a convert change? My mother is a convert and the only change she made in her life besides gaining a testimony was to move to Utah and give up her partially completed law degree in favor of having kids.
That same link discusses the 4th Article of Faith. The ordinances of baptism and confirmation are important to eternal salvation, but faith and repentance contributed far more to my conversion because it all happened in my mind and heart. I barely remember my baptism. I do remember that at around that age I could easily distinguish between making 'right' and 'wrong' choices so I understand that age of accountability aspect of baptism. But the choice to get baptized did not necessarily indicate I was converted. With the cultural pressure and expectations it wasn't even a choice.
In science, an experiment showing any type of change must have a control experiment that parallels the actual experiment in every way but without what you think is causing a change. For example, if you are administering a drug that you think will have a desired effect, you must have people/mice that take a placebo pill/water instead. In this type of set up, you can easily see the change wrought by the drug. I wish I could have one of those It's a Wonderful Life moments where you see how different your world could be. A contrast difference really shows change.
Am I converted? I have faith, I try to repent of my bad decisions and change my bad habits. I want to follow Jesus Christ's example. That is what conversion means to me, to be as good as I can and not apologize for the rest. I don't think I have to focus on every tiny thing any general authority has ever said. I want to be a good person, a person who stands up for herself and opens herself to others. I want to reach out to those who are struggling and be a comfort to anyone who needs it. While I am unable to focus every day on how I need to be the 'perfect Mormon girl,' I can focus on being a solid person who cares for others.
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