Monday, April 8, 2013

The dreaded post on gender roles...

Women and traditional gender roles seemed to occupy the thoughts of many of the general authorities as they prepared talks for this general conference (April 2013).  In reality, I'm fairly certain it is always like this and that I noticed it more because of the Ordain Women movement and my current preoccupation with my own life.

This blog, as I've said before, is more for me to work out my feelings and thoughts than for people reading to glean insights (it is definitely not a place I will rant).  I do, at the end, talk to all the people who have been saying awful things on Trib's comment section for the article on saturday's meeting of the Ordain Women movement. With that in mind, I'll plunge in...

Men and women are obviously different, but that doesn't mean they can't both share leadership roles in the church and simultaneously share child rearing responsibilities.  My husband is perfectly capable of taking care of our little son all by himself for as long as I am.  Our relationship is much like this, we both work and take care of our child (up until now he has not attended daycare but may in the future).  We both have our own separate hobbies and interests, exercise, and spend lots of times with our baby.  If one of us were called to leadership (which, let's not lie, probably will never happen given our bishop's inability to remember who we are) the other would be perfectly capable of making up for it.  But it wouldn't matter if it were him or me.

So when listening to all the talks about men and priesthood and women and motherhood I am torn between gagging and rolling my eyes.  It seems to me that over the last fifty to seventy-five years, men have become much more involved in their children's lives.  As this has occurred, men have become considerably better nurturers.  It seems like we're capable of what we think we are or what we expect of ourselves.

Despite that, Adam is much more fun than I am and I am the one who consciously thinks a lot about how much our baby has slept or ate.  But I still spend lots of time playing with the baby and Adam still feeds him and makes sure he naps.  So, yes, we are all better at different things, but that shouldn't limit us in any way.

I read a story about how a woman with four very young children had such a difficult time each Sunday because her husband was in the bishopric.  So, there is a pretty major issue here.  Mormons have lots of kids all close in age that require a lot of work and responsibility.  Obviously, both parents in such a situation cannot be in major leadership roles--someone has to take care of the kids during Sacrament meeting and what not.  But that doesn't mean it has to be the man in the leadership calling and the women running after children through all the halls of the church, not getting anything out of the meeting.  (In fact, in my ward it's usually the men that take the kids out during sacrament)

I think some presidencies should be co-ed.  Sunday school, for example, is full of men and women and the presidency doesn't need the priesthood anymore than the relief society presidency does.  Primary could also be co-ed.  They have lots of men teachers, men could help in organizing as well.  If the bishopric wants to be all men, that's fine.  But there are lots of roles women would be great at and should have the opportunity to take a more active role in.

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The priesthood is a whole separate issue.  Not because it's actually a separate issue, but because it is such a huge concept.  Women holding the priesthood.  Savor it for a minute.  I had to, my first reaction was "why would I want the priesthood?"  There is NO doctrine that says women can't hold the priesthood.  Don't lie to yourself, it's not there.  It's only controversial because we are already so behind the rest of the developed world in our gender roles.  Actually, the Temple was the place I really realized it wasn't such a controversial thing.  We kinda already have the priesthood.  So why not?  What does it really hurt?  Who does it hurt?  Is it necessary for women: no.  But if we're supposed to have it in the eternities, why not now?

To the trib commenters (who were pretty vicious) : the Ordain Women movement isn't asking for the priesthood.  They're asking the general authorities to pray about it and see if women should have it.   Similar agitation of the general authorities lead to blacks getting the priesthood and the elimination of plural marriage.  It's not a new or heretic concept in anyway.  They have a right to ask.  Don't judge them (or me) for being open minded about something new and potentially good.

And for those of you who are so content with the church as it is (more trib commenters):  stay out of all of this.  Not everyone feels so happy and fluffy at church.  Lots of people feel isolated.  You don't know what that is so don't judge those of us who struggle with some of the basic cultural issues at church (notice they're not doctrinal issues).

I really loved how at the end of conference Monson talked about being tolerant and loving others.  I think it's important to be as tolerant and loving of people we may not agree with within the church as much as people of other faiths.  I did really enjoy conference, some of the talks were amazing and very touching.  I'm looking forward to hearing the new Young Women's presidency next conference.

I'm not being disrespectful of the Mormon church.  I still love the doctrine, the real stuff.  I'm grateful that I get to go each week to feel the spirit and that twice a year I get to listen to the apostles and the prophet.